Sunday, December 9, 2007
Theres a reason love is blind.... Camille Story (take one)
Camille had a tshirt once. She has always been fearful of what hearts can do so she put it on her sleeve so she could keep a close eye on it. Unfortunatly for her, she doesnt have eyes and after meeting the first boy who loved her and begged her for her heart, she gave it to him. They loved each other very much, so much that the butterflies that started out very small in their bellies when they met, grew bigger and slipped out when they spoke of love. Some time later Camille went to see him and saw him with another girl. She cried and cried until she drowned herself in her own ocean of tears. At that same moment her heart broke, and the first butterfly that was born out of their love lost its wings and fell. A boy came by on a boat, startled that there was a body of water he had never seen and suddenly saw she was in trouble. He faught off the piranhas and sharks that were attacking her and her already broken heart and brought both onto his boat. They became very good friends and had a lot of fun together. Until one day, this boy asked her for her heart and told her that he loved and understood her and that maybe she could love him too. Camille said she couldnt and gathered the pieces of her heart that she was able to salvage and ran away. When Camille left Boy, the butterfly became the broken hearted Caterpillar as it was given a new life once its heart saw that love could grow again. Most of the love that Caterpillar had when he was a beautiful butterfly was lost with his wings but the little bit that remained, remained ever so broken. So broken, that he can never stop crying. Camille knew deep down that she loved Boy but she was too afraid of love to stay with him. She was too afraid of feeling bad again, now that she had begun to feel ok. Camille had walked very far and returned to the place where she first began to cry. Many weepingwillows had grown there during the time she was gone and she sat under a very beautiful one. She began to cry becasue she missed her new friend and her tears fed the weeping willow until bird began to sing. He came down from the tree to sing to her, as he knew that sometimes singing can help ease a broken heart. Camille sent bird to Boy but he didnt know it was Camille who sent him. This same wellmeaning boy sent her three letters, bird delivered them. The first one said "Darling Camille, where are you? love, Boy and his Boat", the second one said, "Darling Camille, please find me because i cant find you. love, Boy and his Boat", the third one said "Darling Camille, i have to go away now. love, Boy and his Boat". Each letter contained so much love that the when Boy sealed the envelope, a small heart appeared on the paper. Camille knew he would have to go away eventually because she knows about love. Camille knows one tries so hard to wait but sometimes it hurts very much and one cannot bear such pain. Camille has felt pain before and she knew that the pain one feels when one loves someone who is far away, is much better than the pain one feels when one doesnt have them at all anymore. She waited for him. But he has not yet returned. Perhaps this is because he doesnt truly know how much she really cares for him.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
The tricky thing about broken hearts
I know that this blog was originally supposed to be a documentation of the travels camille and i were to share. I have already disspointed most by leaving her at home and im sure your dissapointment has not ended as i have yet to write of any heart break stories i have encountered. It is not out of want that i ignore the stories i have heard but more out of the respect for those who have had the need to share theirs with me. I say need because it has been just that. At each moment, drunken or sober that a new friend wishes to disclose such private information to me i shiver at what it is they are going to share. I have heard horrible stories that are often filled with unsettled sorrow and to share those stories with strangers would be a terrible mistake and careless attempt to prove that broken hearts are amongst us regularly whether we see them, choose to see them, or ignore the possibility that they are within us too.
I am cautious to say even that i made many broken hearted new friends. It doesnt give me pleasure to write about them and it certaintly does not make me feel more settled in my own broken heartedness. no matter how slim it may be in comparison to the stories i have heard.
Broke hearts are relative of course to each person. Some stories sound worse than other when retold but it is unfair to say that the hurt too is greater. Broken hearts are painful and they are all painful in relation to the person that has had the misfortune of being broken. It is a sad tale regardless of the manner in which it has been told.
I have been hesitant to tell any of my brokenheartedness and no one seems to mind. The thing about broken hearts is that often they are looking for someone they can share their sorrow and their feelings with. They need to know that there is someone opposite or beside them who is willing to listen to their brokenness. It is unkind to wait your turn to talk in such situations, as it is often but specifically in these. Broken hearts are wounded easily if that makes any sense. Once broken, stitching is the most difficult part and the broken need their time to hear themselves speak out loud their feelings so they can begin to find a way to stitch them themselves or to find a friend who is willing to help.
Camile tries to be that friend and more and more i see her here with me.
I have been forced to take her place and i try to use words i feel camille would approve of, but she is much better at it than i.
I have come across people from all over the world in need of sharing their story. Again i use the word need because more often than not they choose to share these stories at the most bizzarre times; i.e. late at night before faling asleep, amongst a large group of friends, or in the middle of a garden. It is never easy to choose the right time to tell such sorrowfull stories and i feel very much for all those who have chosed such inopportune moments to share but the truth is, there is never a good time to reveal such stories and as one is alwasy reluctant to do so it is better to just let it out.
So again, I am sorry that i have not had the heart to share the stories i have heard, but i fear it will not only impede the healing of the hearts i have heard but that it will break yours too.
Brokenheart is a terrible matter that must be taken seriously. It isnt always as many people stress the fact that we are all broken sometime in our lives, and unfortunatly often more than once, but it is a serious problem that truly must be listened to with care.
I have heard stories from boys and from girls, the ages too differ in average and i cannot emphasize enough how much these people needed to be heard. They are not selfish, egocentric, narccicistic but in need of a friend who will listen even if it is just for that moment. If you too have a tale to tell it sometimes does help to show that they are not alone but it isnt often necessary. When sharing your stories it will take away from the person trying to heal. They do not need to hear that they are not alone as it is told to them endlessly, in film, in literature so do not bore them even if you are bored by the repetition that may be in their tale. act as a friend would act.
At least that is what camille taught me to do.
I miss her horribly.
I hope i can make her proud and at least be a shoulder to those whose chests can no longer hold the pain that has set inside.
I am cautious to say even that i made many broken hearted new friends. It doesnt give me pleasure to write about them and it certaintly does not make me feel more settled in my own broken heartedness. no matter how slim it may be in comparison to the stories i have heard.
Broke hearts are relative of course to each person. Some stories sound worse than other when retold but it is unfair to say that the hurt too is greater. Broken hearts are painful and they are all painful in relation to the person that has had the misfortune of being broken. It is a sad tale regardless of the manner in which it has been told.
I have been hesitant to tell any of my brokenheartedness and no one seems to mind. The thing about broken hearts is that often they are looking for someone they can share their sorrow and their feelings with. They need to know that there is someone opposite or beside them who is willing to listen to their brokenness. It is unkind to wait your turn to talk in such situations, as it is often but specifically in these. Broken hearts are wounded easily if that makes any sense. Once broken, stitching is the most difficult part and the broken need their time to hear themselves speak out loud their feelings so they can begin to find a way to stitch them themselves or to find a friend who is willing to help.
Camile tries to be that friend and more and more i see her here with me.
I have been forced to take her place and i try to use words i feel camille would approve of, but she is much better at it than i.
I have come across people from all over the world in need of sharing their story. Again i use the word need because more often than not they choose to share these stories at the most bizzarre times; i.e. late at night before faling asleep, amongst a large group of friends, or in the middle of a garden. It is never easy to choose the right time to tell such sorrowfull stories and i feel very much for all those who have chosed such inopportune moments to share but the truth is, there is never a good time to reveal such stories and as one is alwasy reluctant to do so it is better to just let it out.
So again, I am sorry that i have not had the heart to share the stories i have heard, but i fear it will not only impede the healing of the hearts i have heard but that it will break yours too.
Brokenheart is a terrible matter that must be taken seriously. It isnt always as many people stress the fact that we are all broken sometime in our lives, and unfortunatly often more than once, but it is a serious problem that truly must be listened to with care.
I have heard stories from boys and from girls, the ages too differ in average and i cannot emphasize enough how much these people needed to be heard. They are not selfish, egocentric, narccicistic but in need of a friend who will listen even if it is just for that moment. If you too have a tale to tell it sometimes does help to show that they are not alone but it isnt often necessary. When sharing your stories it will take away from the person trying to heal. They do not need to hear that they are not alone as it is told to them endlessly, in film, in literature so do not bore them even if you are bored by the repetition that may be in their tale. act as a friend would act.
At least that is what camille taught me to do.
I miss her horribly.
I hope i can make her proud and at least be a shoulder to those whose chests can no longer hold the pain that has set inside.
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